You might be a birther if….

I was trying to decide on what to write about in the 15 years worth of topics backlog in my brain. After the recent stupidity with the government shutdown, lead by the best and brightest of the Tea Party collective, the birther contingent is an easy target to write about. Amazingly, 5 years in, there are still those in congress who join the logic challenged in this grand conspiracy.

So the birther conspiracy is that President Obama was born in Kenya and that his birth was sent by cable/fax/email/hand delivery by Satan to report in local papers in Hawaii, thus his birth certificate is fake. We know this because some redneck in the backwoods of Mississippi has access to the real information that the federal government and every news outlet in America is not privileged to.

So we will ignore the REALLY obvious things like, to my knowledge (which is almost non-existent on the topic, feel free to show me where I am wrong), his mother never traveled to Kenya. Or that based on citizenship laws (see: it wouldn’t matter if he was born in Kenya, he would still be a citizen because his mother was a citizen. Those silly little things like actual laws. So for him to not be a citizen, not only would his birth certificate have to be fake, newspapers would have to have been fooled into mis-reporting a birth just in case he wanted to be president almost 50 years later, his mother couldn’t actually be his mother.

Let’s just overlook those trivial little obvious things.

In order for the fake birth certificate to be believable, you would have to believe one of two things.

  1. In the wake of 9/11 the FBI has become incompetent on the keystone cop level
  2. The Bush administration conspired to get Obama elected.

First up, the FBI. When someone runs for office in the Senate, they have to submit to an FBI background check. When someone runs for President, they are subject to the most intensive background check known to man. So in the wake of 9/11, the Department of Homeland Security, and billions spent to upgrade our security apparatus, the FBI failed to even correctly identify the person they were screening for the most sensitive security clearances. Twice! If that is the case, I am truly scared.

Assuming the FBI is competent enough to correctly identify who they are screening for the highest office in the land, then how could someone manage to keep that quiet. Well, remember when Senator Obama was running for President, Bush was the President. Little details like “hey, this guy is not a citizen and cannot run for the office” get reported up the chain of command. Do you really believe that Dick Cheney told people to bury the report that Obama was ineligible to run for office? Were they that afraid of Hillary Clinton?

So pick your poison, is the FBI less competent than Barney Fife or was Dick Cheney so afraid of Hillary Clinton that he and President Bush ordered the FBI background check to be burned?

Logic is such a bitch when it doesn’t fit your delusions.